From our original archives! Please forgive any old links and formatting quirks.

It’s time to meet the first two guys in your gaggle!

As a reminder, we’re going to be profiling ten gaggle members over the next few days. However, you are probably NOT interacting with all ten men at the moment (as impressive as that would be!). These are the ten types of men who CAN make up your gaggle, at any given moment. The profiles are ultimately meant to be a framework for categorizing the men you already know and the men who have yet to enter your gagglesphere.

So let’s begin – raise your hand if either of these guys sound familiar to you!

Ew, Mom, please put your hand down. That’s just gross.

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The Ex-Boyfriend Who’s Still Around

This is the guy who knows you best. He’s been around for a while and is on a first-name basis with your family, friends and coworkers. He can also identify and call you out on your trends and patterns – when you’re letting your boss steamroll you (again), when your mom is depending on you too much (again), and when you’re finishing off an entire pint of ice cream by yourself because you don’t like your new haircut (again). The Ex-Boyfriend has seen you through tough times and decisions, and there are moments when he’s the only one you want to talk to about something because he knows you so well and has become a pro at guiding you through difficult situations.

You also have many fond memories from your relationship – the magical night spent watching a snowstorm from the living room couch, the amazing sex you had on that hiking trip, the first time you said you loved each other. Some part of you still thinks that just maybe, if the universe shifts in a certain direction and he finally matures in all the ways that you had hoped, he might be the guy that you end up with.

However, The Ex-Boyfriend is also a symbol of failure and all the pain and frustration that comes with a break-up. Every time you hang out with him, you spend the first 90% of the time realizing you’ve forgotten how great he is and the last 10% remembering why you broke up in the first place. It turns out that the annoying things about him, and maybe about yourself when you’re with him, haven’t gone away and are still pretty damn annoying. So you’re content to stay in a holding pattern for now – dating other people, flitting in and out of each others’ lives, and secretly wondering if you should hook up ONE last time, just for old times’ sake.

Related WTF?! Posts
Men, Love and Video Cameras
Am I Being Dumped?!

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The Ego Booster

This guy is SUCH a great guy, an undeniable fact that your friends and mother love to remind you of. He is very sweet – and very willing to pay for all the drinks when you’re broke. You know that if you contact him and don’t hear back within the hour, then he’s probably at the gym or in a movie and will get back to you as soon as he sees your message, usually with an unasked-for explanation of why it’s taken him so long to respond. He’s the first guy you text when that other guy doesn’t get back to you, and it’s amazing how quickly his response boosts your confidence, even if you’re feeling unlikable and unattractive. You’re guaranteed to feel good about yourself when you’re with The Ego Booster.

Unfortunately, you’re wholly unattracted to him. Those closest to you think that he’s a great catch and keep urging you to just ‘give him a try.’ They love to repeat the tale of their third cousin, who turned down her husband several times and swore that she could never see him as anything other than a friend before finally agreeing to a date with him and subsequently getting hitched. What they don’t understand is that they don’t need to remind you of all this. You’ve already realized that, if you could finally stop chasing fleeting passions, always going for the bad boys, and allow yourself to really fall in love with The Ego Booster, then you would be treated like an absolute queen. You would never again have to wonder ‘is he going to text me back?’ or ‘should I be nervous about that cute girl he works with?’ You even notice that slight twinge of jealousy you feel whenever he starts telling you about a new girl and the great conversation they just had (although you can’t help feeling that he’d happily cancel his plans with her if you asked him to come over and fix your broken cabinet).

Thinking that you have finally grown up and begun to see him in a new light, you decide to meet up with him and his friends on a Saturday night and give it a real try, once and for all. You’ve seen other girls fall for him; maybe it’s your turn. But then you get to the bar and notice that his friend is really hot, and The Ego Booster falls to the back burner once again.

Related WTF?! Posts
Non-Date Snapshot #5! The Friend-Non-Date
Should We Settle? Ha! Yeah Right

May 4, 2010

0 F-YEAH! F-YEAH!