Apparently, we here at WTF?! – and all you readers, guest bloggers, contributors, and commenters – have been providing a public service.  Who knew?

When Becky and I began this project, it was intended for women.  Two women, writing about being women, and what exactly that meant in this day and age.  With a focus on the romantics of it all, of course.  And, by and large, that hasn’t changed.  We’ve always heard that you write what you know, and we are two girls who know (AKA are in the process of figuring out!) how to make sense of the post-dating world and come out in good shape on the other end.

How should guys handle all the romantic ambiguity around us, you ask?  Well, we’d love for some guy to start that site!  I guarantee that you’ll have at least two loyal readers.  But we have been focusing on the ladies.

Yet over the past year, I have been consistently surprised by the interest and discussion and introspection that these ideas (Non-Dating, Techno-Romance, the gaggle) have elicited among those most stoic of creatures – GUYS.  From bowling teammates who debated the ins and outs of modern love week after week, to the enthusiastic requests from men who want to guest blog about their experiences, to the male entries and comments in our Date or Non-Date? section, to the fact that I have thus far received an equal number of Ask Jess queries from confused members of both sexes, to the daily emails and texts and Facebook messages from guys looking for guidance or excited to share their latest stories…it’s crazy and unexpected.  Guys love talking about this stuff!

Why is this so surprising?  Because game-changing Millennial or not, I’m still a product of the cultural expectation that guys would rather talk about sports, work, movies, drugs, video games, dogs…anything…rather than have to talk about love.  And this may be true.  But according to a recent study in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior, this tendency to clam up about matters of the heart is bad for guys, leading to a host of unhealthy psychological and behavioral effects.

Like what?  Like intense emotional suffering during breakups and rough patches – more suffering than that which is experienced by women in these situations.  Yes, you read that right.  Men apparently get more upset over relationship difficulties than women.  Presumably because they don’t allow themselves four-hour brunches and Gchat conversations during which they dissect life, love and their own intimate existential crises with their boys.

(but don’t worry, WTF?! to the rescue!)

At first glance, the study’s basic findings seem surprising.  Guys get more upset about fights and breakups than girls do?! So much so, that they self-medicate with alcohol and drugs? I always figured that they just headed outside, played some basketball with their roommates, and forgot about it by the next morning!

But really, we shouldn’t be so shocked.  As the author of the study reasons (and as one of our recent male guest bloggers has already figured out), “for young men, their romantic partners are often their primary source of intimacy — in contrast to young women who are more likely to have close relationships with family and friends.”

We modern women have created strong, supportive networks for ourselves, which remain solid despite the inevitable fluctuations in our gaggle guys.  Guys tend to not have that luxury.  So when the shit hits the fan – either in work, or family, or even their own relationships – they’re left to ponder it and analyze it and freak out about it in solitude. Unless they have a lady to vent to.

Or…you guessed it…a website on which to write about it!

Look, we can’t offer you single and broken-up-with guys a place to deal with your professional, academic, recreational or religious strife.  But whether we initially meant to or not, we are providing you with a means of getting out your frustration, confusion and discontent (as well as your excitement and optimism and successes!) about the romantic universe.

Problems with your lady friend – and no guys around to talk to about it?  Submit an Ask Jess query!  Offer to be a guest blogger!  Post your story on our WTF?! page!  Try to make some sense of the ambiguity in our Date or Non-Date section!  And don’t worry about being the only guy to do it.  Because, trust me…you’re so not.

Most importantly, get the feelings out.  Write about them.  Put down the bottle and/or the joint.  “Act like a girl” for a few minutes.  We vent and whine and call our Moms and friends and favorite psychic hotline astrologers for a reason.  Because it makes us feel better, and apparently allows us to be less emotionally distraught than you guys.

But hey, congrats – if you’re reading this, then you’ve probably already figured that out.

Aug 12, 2010

1 F-YEAH! F-YEAH!