It’s time to say vaya con dios to a once familiar friend. Dinner and a Movie Date, we knew you so well. Once. Remember sitting in a dark room not talking to the person you’re trying to get to know? Who could forget the arguments at the Red Lobster post-movie discussing whether the hunky star is actually gay? Do the math: $30 for a 3D blockbuster ($40 with popcorn/soda) + $50 dinner ($70 with wine) ÷ flaccid economy = M’eh (to the tune of a Benjamin).

So we had to put Dinner and a Movie Date down like Old Yeller. Murderer? Me? You? Society? What else could we do? That dating duo became obsolete and thus extinct. It had to die. It wasn’t cost-effective. If you’re looking for a culprit, look no further than cock-blocking inflation. We’re all broke suckers mortgaging our kidneys to pay our iPhone bills. We ain’t got the cheddah to finance them olde-timey evenings out no mo.

Fear not for a compromise rose from the ashes. Take that food/film principle home with you. Rent a movie you both actually want to see for a fiver ($5). Hit the market and create nosh together for $10, $15 if you get all fancy. Plus you can drink to your hearts content all for $20. That’s a fifth the cost of our late friend Dinner and a Movie Date. Evolution. And I guarantee you’ll both have a comparable if not better time. And did I mention the bed is a just short stroll? From death blossoms new life. Rest in Peace, Dinner and a Movie Date.

CTB RECIPE: ROASTED ARTICHOKE AND POKE

Don’t fear the artichoke. On the surface, they are intimidating. The spiky leaves could kill a man. The complicated center that is pretty, but inedible. But get past all that superfluous nonsense and you got yourself an aphrodisiac that tastes like severed angel wings dipped in wasabi. The texture alone should sell you on this magnificent gift from the food gods. Just throw in the artichokes in the oven, turn on the DVD, watch half of the movie, and serve the chokes to your sweetums. We’re talking finger food here so create some intimacy by hand-feeding your date, fostering intimacy to exploit at the film’s climax. And they banged happily ever after…

Total time: approximately 1 hour
Projected cost: $9
Drinking Buddy: Sake or Japanese beer

Ingredients (for 2):
1. 2 small/1 large artichokes(s)
2. 2 tbsp olive oil
3. 2 garlic cloves chopped finely
4. ½ lemon, quartered
5. 2 dashes salt
6. 2 dashes black pepper

Step 1
Preheat your oven//toaster to 350°F/175°C. Wash the artichokes, split them, use a pairing knife to loosen the wispy flowery center, and then pull out. Marinate the artichokes with olive oil, salt and pepper.

Step 2
Set the split artichokes, hollowed-center up in a small pan, dumping whatever leftover marinade from the bowl. Add a pinch of chopped garlic into each center followed up a slice of lemon. Throw the artichokes in the oven and roast until leaves are soft enough to eat (approx 40-50min).

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About the Author. Conceived in India, Spencer Walker is a classically trained white boy who started Cooking To Bang while a starving student at the Colorado College. He has worked as a sous chef, caterer, and private chef. Later Spencer worked as a creative executive and TV writer for Warner Bros., Nickelodeon, Disney, and Cartoon Network.

Jul 29, 2010

0 F-YEAH! F-YEAH!

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