Why?

“Why did you create an infomercial to find someone? Why not just use online dating, or get setup?” That’s the #1 question people ask me about my decision to create the first-ever dating infomercial, TimWow.

You don’t create an infomercial to find “the one” if you’re satisfied with the status-quo-y ways of meeting people. At least, I didn’t.

Years of frustrating fits and starts led me to create TimWow. And while I’ve been on TV and featured on this blog, Mashable and a slew of other media outlets, fame isn’t the reason why I’ve done something this audacious (some would say crazy).

The answer is: I simply wanted what everyone wants. A face to smile back at me after a long hard day, a safe place to entrust my heart, someone to pull close to my body just before I nod off. I also wanted to be that person for someone else.

It’s not that I’m socially retarded or don’t know how to “talk to girls.” No – for me, dating has been an arduous journey of both self-discovery and revelations about the world. 

And the most important of those revelations has been that the more I’ve discovered who I am, the harder I’ve found it to find others who’ve taken that same journey.

My first introduction to relationships was observing how my parents interacted. They were polar opposites. Dad is a workaholic full of piss, passion and vinegar. Mom is a distant, often cold presence who, much like a 1950′s dad, couldn’t muster “I love you” easily.  For years after I left my parents’ house, I railed to my friends against marriage and children because, for me, it seemed this was a straight shot to unhappiness and mutual contempt.

“If I ever tell you I’m getting married, lock me up. Seriously you have my permission,” was a commonly repeated phrase. I couldn’t imagine bringing kids into such a harsh situation. If there were happy marriages, I certainly hadn’t observed them.

Wisely or unwisely, I dated frequently while I held these bitter prejudices. Just as in a movie, where the protagonist is always pushed to face a past hurt and grow through it, every date pushed me to the point where I could no longer support this tunnel vision on relationships.

The perfect analogy for crafting my own sense of relationships can be found in how I learned to cook.

I grew up thriving on take-out. This is a fine habit when you’re living at home rent-free. Yet when I moved out on my own, it became cost-prohibitive to eat out. I knew then that I had to cook for myself. And if I were going to cook for myself, then whatever I ate should be as good, or better, than what I could get at a restaurant.

So for the next two years, I taught myself how to cook. No books. Perhaps an occasional Emeril episode, but not much more than that. For many months, my meals sucked and sucked badly. Then they started to suck less.

Now, years later, I can cook steak and shrimp and make incredible sauces. I’ve learned to appreciate spices from Thailand, the Middle East and China. I did it because I didn’t want a mediocre meal. I couldn’t accept a mediocre meal.

In the same way, with each date – whether they were awful, good or great – I shaped what I wanted for myself.

A girl touched my shoulder in a way that dulled the bad day I had just had. OK, more of that, please.

I felt the sheer primitive thrill of real intimacy, both sexual and verbal. Wow, that’s a heady feeling I want more of.

The thought of seeing a woman again reduced me to an impatient kid. Yes, that’s what I want every day.

I would also steal things from movies to craft my own perfect relationship, like this amazing exchange from the film Beautiful Girls…

Willie: I look at you and I think it’s amazing that there’s a guy out there gets to do all kinds of things with you. He gets to make you happy and spend evenings with you…

Andera: …make me martinis, listen to Van Morrison…

Willie: …smell your skin…

Andera: …after a day at the beach.

Willie: Yeah, and read the papers…

Andera: …on a Sunday morning.

Shit, that’s what I want. But getting it has been tricky, to say the least. Like high school exams that were graded on a “curve” to give everyone B’s, most online dating sites appeal to the lowest common denominator. For me, there were so many times that I sent out replies to possible dates and heard nothing back. It put a damper on any enthusiasm I’d had at the thought of jumping into the dating scene.

I guess you could say I won’t settle. I want an incredible relationship. I want to be a partner. I want a woman who blows my mind while making me hard. I want love. I want someone who I respect and who respects me. I want belly laughs and fart jokes. Nothing more and nothing less.

And that’s not easy to come by. I needed something that instantly communicated who I am. I run my own business. I have a meat grinder and make my own hamburgers. I learned Portuguese on a whim. I perform improv comedy. I’ve shot 20+ short films. But, how do you say that on a first date? On several dates?

Finding someone like that, well, you’ve got to shoot the moon for that. To get that kind of woman, you need to do something so audacious that she’ll actually find you.

Enter TimWow.

Aug 30, 2010

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